morning jokes

 Boy: Ki mein tera hath chum sakda han” Girl: Kyon Haramjadeya mere bullan te koi kande lagge ne ?
 

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Kunwaro se log puchte hai ki tumhari ab tak shaadi kyon nahi huye? Kunware bhi jor se kahte hai: Jaako rakhe sayeean mar sake na koi.
 



Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!
 



Dear reciever, I’m a Blonde Virus. I’m not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to spread by sending to all. Thank U !
 



Ladkewaale: Ladki ka naam kya hai? Ladkiwaale: Hamari pyari, aapki pyaari sabki pyari, Rampyari. Ladke ka naam kya hai. Ladkewale: Hamara Gu, aapka Gu, ham sabka gu JAGGU
 



Log kehte hain ki khuda ne aapko badi fursat mein banaaya hai… Theek hi kehte hain, faltoo kaam fursat mein hi to kiye jaate hain.
 



Colour of ur underwear reflects ur mood: Red: Wild Black: Sexy Blue: Romantic Pink: Seductive White: Calm Yellow: Time to change it…
 



Everyday same wishes! Are U bored of it? Let it be difft this time: Let the devils sing around U, Mummies dance around u, Vampires sit beside U. Have a horrible day!
 



Ek c Raja… Ek c Rani… Dono mar gaye khatam kahani. . . . . . Na thalle hun ki dead body labni hai?
 



Meaning of ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girls. Reverse the letters GFEDCBA Girls Forget Everything Done & Catch new Bakra Again
 



Kabhi ye mat socho tumhare gf/bf ya wife/hubby ne tumhe kitna romantic msg bheja hai, sirf yeh socho ke Use kisne bheja hoga ?
 



Height of Kanjoosi: A Bania’s house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!
 



A Baniya walking on the road suddenly bent & touched d road n said furiously: ‘Loki thuk vi aewein sutde ne jiven Rupeya peya hove!’
 



A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful when her lips r closed !
 



What did the Zero say to the Eight? Nice Belt
 



Saif: My dil goes hmmmmmm…! My dil goes hmmmmmmm….! My dil goes mmmmmmMMm……!! My dil goes mmmmmmm…..! Javed Jafri: Is this da dils or da makhis…?
 



Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain! Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge? Boy: Bilkul nahi! Gal: To phir rehne do…
 


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 A lady to another lady: Jab tera divorce hua tha tab to ek hi baccha tha aur ab 3 kaise? She says: Woh kabhi kabhi maafi mangne aa jate the…
A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business? The Student replies: Father-in-Law
 

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A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water. Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I’ve killed the motorist.
 



M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha… Everything is incomplete without ‘U’
 



As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly gud luking sender. May his smartness increases everyday.
 



A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with flowers n goes. A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar, nurse bahut sunder hai… aaram se theek hona!
 



Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best? A: In advertisements.
 



Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick? A: 3 runs in 3 balls.
 



Q: What is the height of optimism? A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.
 



What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen? The walk back to the pavilion.
 



Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them with kerosene. Please donate. I have already donated 25 litres.
 



Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip… take out your… book from your bag and study!
 



Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend it. Damn it…It was a book on CHESS!
 



Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude… kick them… How dare they fool U before APRIL 1st.
 



Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal, mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool…ha ha ha!!
 



Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great, I know this is too much for u, so here is a shortcut – Just think about ME!
 



Do u remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, u put ur face out, then people started shouting ‘TWINS TWINS’
 



Tip to reduce alcohol consumption: Before marriage drink only on the days when u r sad, after marriage drink only on days when u r Happy!
 


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 Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Is ko waqt se pehle kyon mara? Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.


Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: Will you marry me? She replied: No! And the guy lived happily ever after.
 

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Daily Prayer: O GOD, give us strength & capacity to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion Levy & many more. Besides don’t forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc… If we have some time & money left after that, we will do some Business. Cheers to Booming Indian Economy! Gud Day!
 



Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men! But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man…!!
 



All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
 



There’s a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence. Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.
 



What would confuse a mentally challenged person? Answer: A pineapple. Confused…? I knew you would be!
 



How to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !
 



A highly successful flirt was once asked: Which one is ur best gf? He replied: The next one! Always aim high n continuously improve ur performance.
 



The most interesting thing about this sms is that by the time you realize that nothing is written in it…. it would be too late for you to stop reading it!
 



Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian!
 



If I was a painter, u would be my painting. If I was an author, you would be my story. If I was a poet, you would be my poem. But unfortunately I am a psychiatrist.
 



Hi, keep messaging me and win exciting prizes: 3rd Prize: Lots of Luv. 2nd Prize:Longlasting friendship. 1st Priz: Free stay for Lifetime in my heart.
 



No matter how high the sky is, how deep the ocean is, how strong the wind is, how wide the river is, I just wanna tell u… it’s none of ur business.
 



Ladies….it is okay to wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.
 



Well, they do say opposite attracts… So I sincerely ‘hope’ you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cuultured.
 



A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.
 



In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36
 


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Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun hoye!